Latest magazine article on childhood trauma

Latest article on childhood trauma by Jimmy Henderson in online magazine (see page 78) 



http://issuu.com/aneisdevida/docs/december_issue

A collection of poems

I believe that poetry can unlock a depth of consciousness which is conducive to self-insight and self-realisation. There was a time when my mind was more at peace, when I was able to reach through to its depths and unlock creative thought in the form of poetry



I offer you a few of my past attempts. These are quite a few years old and mirror my questioning on life that took place at the time. 

                                         

                                              To my wife

                                           I am free spirit

                                        you are fully human

                                  I am activity, air and ideals

                   and you are the mother of true humanity, the earth.

                                      We need to be both

                                 and that is why in becoming one ,

                                 we are the completion of true being.

                                             The Knowledge

              I stood there in the joy of knowing as she passed me by

                              this little black woman, small with age.

                                 Yet as she passed I smiled

                                          and she smiled.

                                      She knew that I knew

                                       and no word was said.

                           Words would have been inadequate,

                                 two souls had spoken instead.

                                          On human suffering

                                 We hear the cry of the children

                              and seek meaning in the will of God.

                               It is better to look to the will of men.

                         Let the father of the child look to his choice,

                               made without the need of his God

                       or look to the decision of he, who without God’s will

                             has sought to trust his own judgement

                             and whose weakness now touches all.

                                      Sentiments on the hunt

               I sadden when I think of the creatures, although but a few,

                           that had to die until the time that I knew

                        that their lives were not mine to cause to suffer,

                                             nor to pain  

                      but Nature’s children under Nature’s reign

                   better left to Nature’s law and predator’s paw

                                           to die nobly,

                                than to die for human vain.

                                         Old soldiers never die.

           I saw the excitement in his old eyes as he saw my uniform

    and for a few seconds were reflected the memories of the glory of victories won

                                 and the sorrow of comrades fallen.

            I should have known from his bearing that he was an old soldier

                           and I regret having not saluted him then.

                                           'Oh Alexandra'  (a modern Romeo and Juliet) 

(Based on the violence between the ANC and IFP political parties in Alexandra, South Africa in 1992)

                                            Oh Alexandra !,

                            What should have been a flame of hope

                           has been consumed by the flames of despair.

                              Like two lovers who wish to be together,

                               no force on earth can keep them apart.

                        But their dance is one of death and destruction

                                               and not of love.

                                          The pain of growth

                            Nature appears perfect, but it is not so.

                                         If things were perfect,

                                   they would not need to grow.

                        If all was complete, they would not need to evolve

                         and human beings would have no riddles to solve.

                             Our world is imperfect and full of pain.

                               It must be so, if we are to find gain

                            in real understanding of the way things are

                            and still find peace in that which remains.

Living consciously-article from Anais de Vida magazine

Living consciously 

https://issuu.com/aneisdevida/docs/september_issue/31?e=0
Article from online magazine  (click here) 

Readers are invited to read the magazine and my article on page 30-32

A new spin on an old parable

A new spin on the parable of the prodigal son 

by Jimmy Henderson 

Hons BA (phil) (MA Psychology) FRC

An old man told me the story of a younger son who was dissatisfied with the life provided by his father and decided to leave home. 

After a long while of wandering, he had exhausted his resources and ended up in a cesspool of debauchery and humiliation in which he suffered greatly. 

However, The father, who was very wise and knowing of his suffering, sent his elder brother to fetch him and bring him home. The elder brother found the younger in a dark and filthy pit, wallowing in despair. Himself entering into this thoroughly unpleasant place, the elder lifted up his brother, who had long since forgotten the home from which he came. When he again came to realise who he really was and what he had done, the younger son wept both with tears of regret and joy, that his father was calling him home. 

The eldest placed the youngest on the road and accompanied him home to their father. However, the journey was still long and not easy. Many dangers and obstacles still lay in his way. 

In his mind he could now see his father waiting for him to complete his journey home and this gave him the strength to continue. And he now realised that he was, and always would be, a beloved son of the father and nothing could separate him this knowledge and his father’s love. 

In fact, it had been his misguided wish to separate from his father that had caused him to leave home and enter the world of suffering. He had been misled and had not known that having knowledge of good and evil would involve having to experience loneliness, pain and suffering. Along the way, he cried aloud “Thank you Father, that I can at last see the purpose of this human drama and pain. That which at first seemed so meaningless,  has now been woven into the universal tapestry of the unfoldment of your Being.

Jimmy is a philosopher and metaphysician who is the published author of a number of books on mind and spirit. His books are available through his website www.jimmyhendersonbooks.com.

Effective parenting (small children)

      Effective parenting

By Jimmy Henderson MA (psychology) CHRP

There appears to be some confusion amongst modern parents as to exactly what is the most suitable approach to parenting, as well as how to deal with children who misbehave. I have noticed that there are many new fads with catch phrases such as ‘allow them to be themselves’ or ‘express their personalities’ and so on. What is interesting is that these statements have actually no foundation in research into child-development, in fact, just the opposite. For example, children are still in the process of developing their personalities up until the age of about eight, and when young, actually require firm and consistent discipline from both parents (or partners), with clear guidelines as to what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. Most importantly, they should certainly never be simply left to their own devices. In fact, research has shown that by allowing small children total freedom, we can actually allow insecurities and confusion to enter and become part of their developing personalities.

Unfortunately, small children are also sometimes indulged by parents or caregivers in an attempt to secure their co-operation. Whilst it is important to love and bond with children and spend as much time with them as possible, re-assuring, hugging and holding them and seeing to their needs, they also need to learn to respect their parents. In fact, it is often this lack of respect that leads to confrontations later on when children grow up to become teenagers. I always told my own children that we can be ‘friends’ when they are grown up and able to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their own lives, but when they were still young I insisted that they need to respect the fact that I was the parent and would exercise my responsibility as such.

Respect should be instilled in children from a very early age, and is earned by a parent or caregiver having a set of definite limits and rules concerning acceptable behaviour and not being afraid to punish if these rules are transgressed. In fact, research has shown that children feel more secure if there are clear rules in a household and they are not left floundering in uncertainty as to what is required of them.  

This respect, and the trust of children, is also earned by providing the child with a good example of how adults should behave, with parents or caregivers demonstrating love and integrity in their behaviour towards each other. In this regard, we know from research that problems between parents or partners do impact severely on children, especially when they are young and impressionable. It is unfortunately true that incidents such as arguments and conflict in the home can make a small child very anxious, and major events such as divorce or separation from role models such as the father-figure, can result in long-term problems.

Some children can overcome difficult circumstances and still do fairly well, but I do not believe that any child will be left untouched by traumatic circumstances at home. As parents or caregivers, great care needs to be taken as regards our behaviour in the home and to ensure that we always provide a positive and loving example to our children. It is also necessary to instill spiritual or moral values in children at an early age, which will support them during their later years.

Finally, if it is seen early on that a child is experiencing developmental or learning problems either at school or at home, it should not be ignored, or even worse still, denied, but acknowledged and addressed immediately by means of referral to a qualified person. The problem will not simply go away and will only become worse once the child reaches adolescence and becomes a teenager, as a whole series of new factors now come into play.

                                                      

Adapted from ‘A guide to Effective parenting’ by Jimmy Henderson (e-book), available from Amazon.com 

http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Parenting-Improve-essential-skills-ebook/dp/B00JT9A0I0/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1442248700&sr=8-4&keywords=jimmy+henderson

Depression-the path to recovery

                       

Depression-the path to recovery 

Jimmy Henderson (MA Psychology) FRC

‘As we awaken, shall we see more of the light that always is’

J. Henderson

The process of healing after depression can take many years. However, in my own experience, its shadow never seems to fully leave our presence.

However, I personally believe that it can be managed with effort, commitment and the successful completion of certain important tasks.  

The first of these tasks is be to make a most important decision, which is to accept responsibility for our own lives and actions, and be willing to consciously process this challenge that life has presented to us. This is not easy, and many agonising weeks and months can be spent mulling over this decision. However, eventually we may come to understand that human development requires that we remain open to learning experiences and not shut down our lives and thinking when things get tough.

Second, it is important to take stock, evaluate our situation, and develop new coping methods which will help us to better manage the challenges and negative emotions that usually accompany depression. During this period we should make the time for emotional healing, as well as conscious attempts to extricate ourselves from the bonds of self-doubt, fear and negative thoughts associated with the events and situations that have led to depression. We can do this either with the help of professional therapists, or by means of self-help healing techniques. 

One of the most effective methods is simply to set new boundaries and learn to say ‘No’ when it comes to demands on our time and energy. Often depression results from 'burnout' as a result of not having these boundaries in our lives. 

A more radical approach involve simply eliminating the stressful situation(s) from our lives altogether, but this may necessitate a change in household circumstances, career or lifestyle. In my own case, I found it necessary to remove myself from the work-setting entirely and embark on a completely new path. This was at a cost to my financial security, but was the course of action which offered the greatest opportunities for balance and peace of mind.

During this time of inner battle, we will still have days when the 'shadows' of depression will continue to challenge us, and may even become embodied in negative or self-destructive thoughts such as ‘I am not coping’, ‘I am a failure’ or ‘no one really cares for me’. However, it is possible to confront these thoughts with positive self-affirmations and take back our power. For example, by continually repeating to ourselves, ‘I am not a failure, I have a wonderful family and am a good father /mother’; or, ‘It is not true that I cannot cope, I have accomplished many things in my life’; or, ‘It is not true that no-one cares for me, I have the support of my family and many good friends’, the negativity can be dispelled. 

Whatever method we use, our desired outcome is that moment of divine forgiveness or ‘self-forgiveness’, that thought and action which initiates a break with the past and ushers in a new beginning.  

During these difficult times we could also be burdened with powerful, unpleasant emotions such as anger or rage, or even negative feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A useful way of dealing with these is to examine their costs to our present peace of mind, health, careers and relationships, and to make a conscious decision to release them. 

It may sound strange to talk of a ‘payback’ by our holding onto such self-destructive emotions, However, if the matter is examined carefully, the power they have brought to our situation will become clearer, and it is this power that sustains them. For example, anger often provides us with the energy to get through these difficult situations, to re-assert ourselves, and to try to reclaim our power. However, this anger and resentment can, over time, enter our personalities and change them for the worse, turning us into unpleasant and resentful people who may cause unnecessarily hurt to others. In addition to this, repressed feelings of intense anger and resentment can actually negatively affect our health.

Likewise, withdrawing into ourselves as the result of intense feelings of hopelessness and despair, can provide us with the time and space to heal, allow us to avoid constantly having the face the issue, and, for a while at least, may rally people to support us. However, once again, the insidious long-term effects of this response is that we will eventually push people away, cripple our relationships, social lives and possibilities for career advancement, and we may have difficulty in ever finding enjoyment and happiness again.

In other words, we always have to weigh the hidden ‘costs’ against the ‘payback’ received by holding onto these emotions, until we can eventually arrive at a decision that the benefits are simply not worth the price that we are paying, and make a conscious decision to release them. This will place us on the path to recovery. 

In order to empower ourselves and return mastery and control to our lives, there are also a number of other methods we can apply. For instance, prayer and meditation have been proven to assist in restoring balance and control to a troubled mind. Meditational exercises are contained in one of my other publications, ‘Multi-Dimensional thinking’ (2007).

Another useful practice is to strive to keep our minds relatively clear and at peace at all times by consciously ‘choosing’ our thoughts and feelings. In other words, allowing unwanted thoughts and emotions to pass through our minds by simply refusing to ‘dwell’ on them. 

The daily use of positive affirmations will be useful in this case: 

For example:

‘I choose to release these unpleasant thoughts and emotions’.

‘I am simply not prepared to fill my mind with these thoughts or emotions’.

‘I simply do not wish to upset myself with this feeling or issue’

‘I cannot be bothered with this matter at the moment’.

‘I need to focus all my attention on my immediate concerns’.

The idea is to try to cultivate a sort of philosophical ‘detachment’ from stressful matters which do not really concern us, and only those thoughts and feelings that are of immediate importance, should receive our focus and attention. This may sound cold and unfeeling, but we are still free to express altruistic emotions such as love and compassion.

  

Another empowerment strategy would involve rebuilding our shattered self-image and self-esteem. A major life-changing experience such as death of a partner or child, the end of a career, a divorce or some other traumatic event can easily lead us into depression. This path is often lonely, and our recovery and return to mastery will require an inner strength based on a new knowledge of ‘who’ and ‘what ‘we really are, and our true purpose in this life, in order to overcome the many challenges that may arise. 

This recovery should include a period of ‘time-out’ for reading, relaxing, self-introspection and a consideration of the important issues just mentioned. The idea is to find the space and time to rebuild our shattered sense of self-confidence and re-new that belief in ourselves which will enable us to transcend this experience.

Simple changes in our behaviour can also assist with recovery. For example, it is important to stay active by getting involved with a new hobby or social groups. Creative and rewarding activities such as art, writing and volunteer work will also prove beneficial to our state of mind and can provide us with a new sense of purpose.

At the same time we should shift our focus from our problems to our physical and emotional wellness, as our health can be severely affected by stress and depression. Addressing this may require changes to our eating habits, exercise routines and lifestyles. However, a good balanced diet and exercise helps to reduce stress and will certainly make us feel better.

Finally, it will be important to make some new decisions and set realistic goals for our futures using our new hard-won wisdom and perspective on life. This would be the time to finally release the blockages in our minds and reconnect with our higher or authentic selves through meditation or prayer. This is the final ‘letting go’ of the entanglements which are blocking the light of the Soul. This reintegration of the inner and outer self brings with it an increased awareness and understanding of the real process of life, its challenges as well as its opportunities, and results in a greater capacity for independent thinking, insight, compassion, tolerance and unconditional love.

 Adapted from the e-book 'Living on the Edge of Darkness'  by Jimmy Henderson 

Jimmy is a cognitive researcher and metaphysician who is the published author of a number of books on the power of the mind. His books are available through his website www.jimmyhendersonbooks.com 

What is truly real in this world?

                                   What is truly real?

‘I told you about strawberry fields, the place where nothing is real.’ (The Beatles)

In the light of all that had been considered, a question that arose frequently during my times of consideration was; ‘What can be considered as truly real in this world of shadows and illusion? 

Being ‘real’ normally means that something actually exists, as opposed to being an illusion, which is a situation in which we believe we are seeing or experiencing something, but it really has no existence outside of our minds or thoughts.

   This has been an important question throughout the ages. In fact, many philosophers have already asked how we can ever know that what we are now experiencing is not simply a dream or illusion. In fact, psychological research does suggest that our subconscious minds have difficulty distinguishing between what is imaginary and what is real. Currently, science accepts only that which can be physically examined and measured as real. However, even here we can be deceived. Current technology involving computer-generated images and photo-shopping have proven that we can no longer base our judgments only on what we see in the media.

Truth and reality are very important for our sense of meaning in life. We all need something true, real and unchanging to use as a measure by which we plot our lives. And when our sense of reality is shaken by unfathomable events in our lives, the consequences can be devastating.  

‘We think with our past and see through our pain. We are less than objective.’ ‘We are born with the original sin of our conceptual limitations and errors of thought. Our ideas therefore, will likewise be spawned in limitation and subject to error.’

J. Henderson

Much of the blame can be laid at the door of our own minds and thinking. We cling to belief systems which may be outdated, or unable to really meet our emotional and spiritual needs, out of fear of the unknown.  We presently see only that which we wish to see, and understand only that which fits our present belief-system. Our brains and minds are simply not sufficiently evolved to view the grander multi-dimensional picture of reality, or to see the interconnections and relationships that exist at deeper levels of understanding.  

In order to know the full truth, we would have to be able to view the entire picture, including all possible scenarios, simultaneously, clearly and objectively. However, this is only an ideal, as, by living in this shadow-world, there is always the potential for ignorance, limitation and error. Any certainty we now experience is actually only our own view of the situation, producing at best, that which can only be described as a ‘personal truth’. So we have to be content in working only with scattered pieces of the puzzle of life. 

So how does this limited perspective actually come about? During our lives we quickly learn ways of adapting to, or of coping with, different social situations by behaving (and even thinking) in a certain manner which is considered ‘socially acceptable’. This is called ‘social conditioning’. We also adapt to the stress of life by learning coping mechanisms, certain attitudes, opinions or patterns of behaviour which initially appear to help us manage better, but may later be seen to be quite inappropriate and even self-destructive. As result we become even more alienated from our authentic selves.

Powerful emotions such as fear and other subtle forms of manipulation, influence the hearts and minds of masses of people who should otherwise be thinking for themselves, and have the effect of closing our minds to any new ideas which may inspire us to move beyond our conditioning and uncover new and greater vistas of truth and understanding. We are often afraid to challenge or release old and familiar ideas with which we are comfortable, even if these views are misguided, outdated, ineffective, and serve only to limit our thinking and actions.

The problem here is simple. Using a metaphor of light and darkness, we can only see daylight insofar as we are willing to draw back the curtains. This means that we will only realise higher levels of truth and reality when we are able to clear all personal issues, baggage and limited perspectives from our minds.

This does not sound very encouraging when we are actually trying to extract some meaning out of difficult life-experiences, but I suppose that accepting the idea of everyone being entitled to their own perspectives and personal truths will at least relieve us of the burden of having to judge others, and could open the door for greater tolerance and compassion. 

Adapted from the e-book 'Living on the Edge of Darkness'  by Jimmy Henderson 

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Edge-Darkness-Jimmy-Henderson-ebook/dp/B00L73YJG0/ref=sr_1_13?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1437170591&sr=1-13&keywords=jimmy+henderson

Jimmy is a cognitive researcher and metaphysician who is the published author of a number of books on the power of the mind. His books are available through his website www.jimmyhendersonbooks.com