Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Effective Listening skills

Here is a useful article on reading body language which is an extract from my e-book 'Effective Listening Skills' available on Smashwordshttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/273390


Reading Body Language

The technique of understanding non-verbal communication is based on research which reveals that the human body will respond to areas of psychological and emotional pain and resistance with involuntary movements or shifts. These movements can only be controlled to a small extent and the resulting changes can be interpreted with a high level of accuracy by someone who is trained in this field. This skill is extremely important during the listening process, as it enables a counsellor to track and respond immediately to the changes in the psychological or emotional state of the client. It is also very useful when accepting the role of a listener in any  social situation, as it enables one to gauge and understand the responses of any other person.

A high degree of ‘awareness’ or self-awareness is required to really listen attentively. In this regard, one should be fully aware and ‘present’ when listening in order to note the nuances in what is being said as well any small shifts taking place in voice, tone and body language. These movements of the body will suggest corresponding changes to the emotional and psychological state of the client as the meaning and implications of what is being discussed, is processed.  

The second skill involved in non-verbal communication is learning the rules of body language. In other words, being able to notice the changes taking place in the position, orientation and tension of the client’s body. These shifts will be quite visible to the trained observer using the correct method of observation, including peripheral vision.

Peripheral vision involves using the outer edge of the eyes to view the client. In other words, not focussing on his or her face or any body part in particular, but relaxing one’s eyes and allowing them to ‘wander’ with the idea of viewing his or her body as a whole. This takes practice, and it will be found that this will work best when one’s eyes are slightly out of focus with the head turned slightly away. In any case, a counsellor should not be staring intently at any client, as this could make him or her uncomfortable and lead to uncalled-for changes in body language.  

The aim of reading body-language is to look for sudden shifts in the body-position, body-orientation or bodily tension. If there are no other factors involved, this will suggest a change in an emotional or psychological state.

 General principles

There are a number of general principles which must be considered when reading body
language:

·         Consider possible external factors causing the changes

      Discomfort and distractions due to the invasion of personal space, heat, cold, noise or lack
      of privacy (interruptions) can also result in unexpected body movements. It is therefore
      Important to exclude these other (external) factors before arriving at a conclusion as to the
      content of a non-verbal response or message.

·         View all body movements holistically
    There is no research evidence to suggest that any isolated gesture such as scratching the
    head or pulling an ear has any specific meaning. Non-verbal messages occur in body
    language ‘clusters’. In other words, all areas of the body are involved in sending a true
    non-verbal message and it is important to interpret any changes holistically. In other words,
    one needs to search for a combination of bodily and facial reactions that match. Only then
    can a decision be made as to the likely emotional or psychological state that is being
    experienced by the client which is leading to the change in body language.

·         Note the context in which the change in body language is taking place

     Finally, the context of the social situation must always be taken into consideration. In other
     words, what caused the sudden change? Exactly what experience or area of the client’s  
     life was under discussion when the reaction took place, and what was actually said? A shift
     in body language can be initiated either by something the counsellor has done or said, or as
     a result of a certain spontaneous thought, idea or emotion being experienced by the client. 
                
The specifics of reading body language

Non-verbal communication can be seen in changes in the posture or orientation of the body, bodily tension, facial expressions and voice.  
                                                
·         Changes in body posture

     This can be explained as a change in the openness or closure of the body by the client
      crossing/uncrossing or folding/unfolding his or her arms or legs. In other words, an
      imaginary line down the front and centre of the body is either closed up or exposed in
      response to a change in emotional or psychological state. Closure of the body is usually a
      defensive behaviour which suggests a threat or discomfort, such as would occur when the
      conversation opens up an emotionally vulnerable area of the client’s life. The subliminal
      message in this case would be something along the lines of ‘you have now said something
      which makes me feel vulnerable and emotionally threatened’ or ‘I have just thought of
      something which causes me pain’. A good counsellor or listener would detect this shift in
      body posture and gently question the client further around this issue.

      As previously stated, the closing-up of the body could also be due to an external factor
      such as physical discomfort resulting from an uncomfortable chair or an air-conditioner set
      too cold, and the surroundings would have to be checked to establish if this is not the case.

On the other hand, opening up the body by uncrossing the arms or legs suggests a more relaxed state of mind and trust in the counsellor. The message in this case would be ‘I now trust you sufficiently to expose my vulnerabilities (body) to you’. To an observant counsellor this would be a cue that he or she is using the correct approach and has been successful in gaining the confidence of the client.                                            

·         Body orientation

This can be explained as the direction in which the imaginary line along the front and centre of the client’s body is pointing. Usually during a conversation or counselling session a client will face the counsellor. However, any sudden change such as turning, leaning or pulling away would be a defensive behaviour suggesting a threat, discomfort, distrust, stubbornness or unwillingness. This movement can be subtle, such as a slight shift which effectively brings a shoulder between client and counsellor (the ‘cold shoulder’). This is usually combined with a change in the position of the arms or legs (body posture) and facial expression. As before, the aim would be to search for that part of the conversation (the statement) which has resulted in an unpleasant emotion or thought, leading to the subliminal non-verbal message. In this case, a typical example of such an implied communication would be ‘you have said something which upset me and I need to turn away to regain my composure’.                                         
                                    
Once again, one would have to ensure that the change has not resulted from physical discomfort (such as an uncomfortable chair), or other external factors as previously mentioned such as heat, cold or interruptions. If there are no such factors, then the change in body orientation has resulted from an internal state (thoughts or specific emotions).
Other more subtle changes in orientation, such as averting the eyes, also send a similar message.

As before, the opposite would be true if the client was initially facing or leaning away at the beginning of the counselling session (such as usually is the case with a severely traumatised person), and after a while turns to face the counsellor. In this case the subliminal message would be ‘I now trust you sufficiently to face you’, or ‘I no longer feel threatened by you’, or ‘I welcome your presence’.

·         Body tension

     Any tenseness of the body suggests the presence of generalised anxiety or even specific
     emotions such as fear, anger or confusion. This tension will be revealed by shaking or
     restlessness, as the body is seeking an outlet for the excess energy. In the case of women,
     the most common response is shivering and wringing of the hands, and in men, shaking, 
     shuffling the feet or clenching the fists. Short quick breaths and sweating also indicate a
high level of tension and anxiety, as well as avoiding eye contact and rapid eye movement.                                                  

The context of what is being discussed should suggest the reasons for the tension, for example, when the client begins to explain what happened during a very stressful incident. In this case, the change in body tension sends the subliminal message that ‘this experience/incident I am sharing was extremely unpleasant’. The specific emotion being experienced will be more easily identifiable by noting the voice and facial expressions.  

·         Facial expressions
Changes in the facial expression suggest the arousal of specific emotions. These emotions can either be experienced as pleasant, such as happiness and joy, or unpleasant, in the case of fear or anger. Pleasant emotions will usually be accompanied by smiles, raised eyebrows and dilated pupils, whereas an unpleasant emotion will be the opposite, resulting in a drooping of the face, frowns or grimaces. There is a unique combination of facial contractions associated with each different emotion and with practice it is relatively easy to identify them.                     

·         Changes in the voice
Usually a quiver in the voice indicates the presence of strong emotions. The tone of the voice is also important. A change in the pitch of the voice suggests an emotional shift, either to an anxiety-based emotion (higher pitch) or a depressive emotion (a lower and flatter tone). A gasp or quick breath suggests that the client has experienced a sudden and powerful emotion.                                                     
  
Finally, the counsellor always needs to consider his or her own non-verbal communications. The rules of non-verbal communication apply to everyone. In other words, even if it is at a subliminal level, a client can also detect and respond to non‑verbal messages which the counsellor is sending. When counselling or even just being engaged in conversation, it is always important to be aware of one’s own non-verbal messages as will be revealed in openness/closure, body orientation, bodily tension, voice and facial expression.


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