self-image and self-esteem

Self-image and self-esteem
By Jimmy Henderson

Self-image
Our self-image and self-esteem play an enormous part in our thinking and behaviour. Our self-image can be simply defined as that which we see and think about ourselves when we look in the mirror. In other words, who or what we believe we are in terms of our appearance and personality, whether we see ourselves as too fat or too thin and either attractive or unattractive to others. It also includes our ideas about our economic status and position in the community and what we represent to ourselves in terms of our moral and religious beliefs and values.
One’s self-image is quite vulnerable and most people will also go to great lengths to try to maintain a positive self-image to others. If, however, our self-image is negatively affected or even shattered as the result of being humiliated or made to feel inadequate, this experience can drastically affect our thinking, actions and relationships with others, including family and friends, as it is intimately related to our sense of self-confidence and self-esteem.

A new view of self
Our innermost beliefs about ourselves act as mental rules or instructions to our sub-conscious minds and control our thinking and actions, setting us up for success or failure.
If we really wish to grow our understanding of self and of our purpose in the universe, we have to create the psychological space for this to happen by seeing ourselves as not just as a body, but rather as a multi-dimensional being with an almost limitless potential. The way this is achieved is to replace any negative subconscious beliefs with powerful new thoughts or affirmations which are far more expansive and redefine our self-imposed limits.
For example, the next time you stand in front of the mirror, try affirming the following:
 ‘What I see here in the mirror is not the real me’
 ‘I am far more than this’
 ‘I have a deeper and more authentic part to myself’
 ‘I am a child of God / the Universe’

In order to discover this true, authentic self we have to continually seek and acknowledge that childlike part of ourselves deep within our beings and consciousness, that original state of mind and innocence before it became lost in the entanglements of the world.

Self-esteem
Self esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. Being similar to our self-image, it is continually influenced by our thinking and especially what we believe or tell ourselves as we deal with different life-experiences. Our self-esteem is either raised or lowered as we continually measure ourselves against others, or our own spiritual /religious beliefs and ideals and our achievements. It is also strongly influenced by what others have to say about us and whether this is positive and constructive or negative and destructive.
Our level of self-confidence is closely related to our self esteem, which in turn, is closely allied to our self-image and will affect our thoughts and actions as we interact with others. Not believing in ourselves and our abilities will negatively affect our relationships, decisions and achievements.
The negative thoughts associated with having a low self-esteem can also make us unhappy, frustrated and unpleasant and affect our relationships and lives even further. The good news is that this is totally unnecessary, as we all have an inherent worth and value and merely have to discover it. Imagine yourself as a little oyster. You have grown up in a big scary sea full of powerful and dangerous creatures which appear unfriendly and you feel very small, insecure and insignificant in comparison to them. However, you have a secret which makes you very special. You have the ability to cultivate within yourself, one of the most valuable and sought after treasures in the world, a beautiful white pearl. This is the pearl of your consciousness and connection with your deeper inner being or soul. And as you grow, the pearl within you becomes larger, more beautiful and valuable, until eventually you open your shell to reveal its beauty and power (adapted from old English folk tale).
The meaning of this metaphor is important, as it points to the universal truth that as human beings, we are all special in that we are growing, changing and becoming something more than we are today. There is therefore no reason to feel insignificant in comparison to others, as one day you too, will open your shell to reveal your treasure and true nature.

There are a number of things each person can do in order to build self-esteem
• Develop your personality
Build your confidence by acquiring new skills, improving your qualifications, attending
courses in personal growth or participating in sports and other activities.
• Understand and accept yourself
Strive to increase your self–awareness by reading books and articles on personal growth
and development. Maintain realistic expectations about yourself.
Remember the story of the little oyster. You are still growing and do not have to be
perfect. There are people who love you just as you are. Recognise and emphasise your
positive and unique qualities.
• Mix with people that are positive and uplifting
Unfortunately, there will always be people who will try to break you down. This is often
done to cover up their own feelings of inadequacy If you are in such a relationship, you
may need to consider whether it is really worthwhile. It is important to be prepared to
make changes to your social situation if so required and avoid those who do not
appreciate or inspire you to be your best.
• Challenge and change your negative thoughts and feelings
You can also identify and directly challenge and release negative thoughts and feelings
For instance: ‘I am a failure’
‘No one cares for me’
‘I will never find anyone else’
• Using the power of hindsight, clarity and reason, question each belief in the light of your present situation.
 ‘How accurate is my judgment of this situation?’
 ‘Is this really true?’
 ‘Is this really reasonable?’
 ‘Does it really happen this way in real-life?
 ‘Did it ever apply at all?’
• You will find that in most cases, the thoughts or beliefs were formed during a time that you were very upset, therefore not thinking rationally and are in all likelihood, misguided, exaggerated, inaccurate or simply not true.
• Consciously affirm present realities in your life which dispute the negative beliefs.
For example:
 ‘I am not a failure. I have a wonderful family and am a good father/mother’
 ‘I have done many good things in my life’.
 ‘It is not true that no-one cares for me.’ ‘I have the support of my family and
many good friends.’
 ‘It is ridiculous for me to say that I will never find anyone else’
‘The reality is that I am a very popular person and have many opportunities.’

• Once you have affirmed your new reality, consciously release the old beliefs and re-affirm new positive statements of self-instruction.
For example:
 ‘I am not a failure’. ‘I am a hard working and dedicated person’
 ‘I am not useless’. ‘ I am a very valuable asset to my family and company’
 ‘I was never worthless’. ‘I am worthy of love and happiness’
 ‘I intend to be the best that I can be’.
• Consciously decide that negative thoughts and beliefs belong to the past, to moments in time which are now gone. You will no longer allow them to control you.

• Finally, complete the following statement:
‘I am a beautiful person because …………………………

Reflect on what you have written and let that be your inspiration for the future.

Jimmy Henderson is a trained counsellor and regular radio talk show guest. He is the author of a number of articles as well as self-help books entitled ‘Multi-Dimensional Thinking’ and ‘Multi-Dimensional Perception’ which are available at most bookshops. He is also a facilitator with Metavarsity and based in KZ Natal.
www.jimmyhendersonbooks.com
http://www.kimaglobal.co.za/cgi-bin/go.pl/author_books.html?author_name=Jimmy%20Henderson