Coping with Trauma : Part one
The immediate phase
By Jimmy Henderson

In this article, we will be looking specifically at coping mechanisms and techniques for dealing with the immediate emotional trauma of events such as hijacking, serious crime, abuse, rape and divorce.
Dealing with emotions and feelings
What is needed first, is the immediate comfort and support of close friends and family. The victim in this case, needs to feel he or she is not alone or rejected as a result of the event. The initial reaction to trauma can vary from feelings of numbness, shock and despair, to other intense emotions such as anger and resentment, depending on the situation, his or her personality and methods of coping. These powerful and debilitating emotions are the first obstacle that will need to be faced on the long road to adjustment.
The most effective way to cope with these emotions is not to deny them, but to own up to them. The way in which this is done, is to find a mature and trusted friend or family member who will listen empathetically. At this stage a traumatised person should not be looking for advice on what to do, but just for a safe space in which to put the trauma and pain into “feeling “ words. For example, “I feel desperate and afraid”or “ I am so-o-o-o angry !” or “I feel so betrayed”. A person should never be afraid to reveal or show emotion, even if he is a man. Remember, if the poison is not cleaned out of a wound, it will never heal. Similarly, by not expressing these powerful emotions, a traumatised person may carry them for the rest of his or her life and they will later find other ways to express themselves, such as in illness, depression or by affecting the personality, making him or her extremely fearful, bitter or resentful.
Dealing with negative thinking
Any intense experience involving strong emotions will also evoke powerful negative thoughts or perceptions, sometimes called self-talk. In such a state the traumatised person will usually walk around feeling miserable and can easily become depressed. These negative thoughts are usually linked together to form a chain which can become progressively worse if it is not addressed. For example, They may go around telling themselves that this traumatic event, whether it is a hijacking, rape or even divorce, was their own fault and this thought will trigger another even more negative self-statement, such as “ I’m a failure”. The chain will carry on and on and eventually they will be telling themselves that they are unloved and worthless, when in fact, this is not the case.! What is actually happening, is that the pain and distress they are experiencing, is both causing and reinforcing their negative thinking and the only way to deal effectively with it, is to consciously challenge it every time.
The first step in challenging this negative thinking is to apply common sense objectively to what has happened. For example. Self talk : "I allowed this to happen."
Self talk challenge : " No ! This is not true” In fact, I have done nothing to cause this situation.”

Another way of challenging statements of destructive self talk is to look at their truthfulness. The way in which this is done, is to examine each self statement with a clear mind and decide whether it is realistic, logical and truthful in terms of the real life situation.
For Example : Self talk : “I made a mistake. I'm incompetent"
Self talk Challenge : " No!, I ‘m human and I made a mistake, but being human means that I learn from my mistakes."
Once the situation can be viewed rationally, in most cases, it will be found that the guilt or doubt is not justified, and what is being felt is the effects of a bad self-image and low self-esteem caused by the situation or event. The adjustment and recovery from trauma is therefore a long and complex process and the traumatised person will need to find ways to rebuild his or her self-image and self-esteem.
Necessary lifestyle changes. Having an action plan for the future .
Sometimes, following a traumatic event, the whole situation may change and the victim may need to make decisions as to what to do next. If possible, major decisions should wait until after he or she has worked through the emotions and dealt with any negative thinking, as emotional stability and clarity of understanding are required for making good decisions. The first step is to accept responsibility for choices made. Acting on the well-meaning advice of friends or family is not always the correct action, as they do not really know what the victim is feeling or what is actually possible under the current circumstances. He or she needs to make his or her own decisions and these should be based on what he or she is realistically capable of doing in terms of skills, finances and family situation. Action steps to improve the situation need not be major or life-changing. In fact, it is better for a traumatised person to build up confidence a step at a time by taking a series of baby steps.
Sometimes there are no real solutions to trauma as such, and the major challenge becomes one of self-empowerment, or merely changing one’s attitude towards oneself. In other words, rebuilding a shattered self-image and restoring feelings of self-worth. This will be discussed further in the next article.

Coping with Trauma : Part Two
Long term solutions
By Jimmy Henderson

In this article, I will be discussing methods of empowerment to cope with emotional pain and traumatic events over the long term.
Sometimes traumatised persons don’t always realise the costs of hanging on to self-destructive emotions or negative thoughts or are unable to take positive action to adjust or improve their lives because of hidden fears. It is therefore very important that they become aware of their deepest fears, feelings and thoughts related to the incident or experience if they are ever going to deal effectively with them.
One way of remaining in touch with themselves, is by writing down their thoughts, emotions and progress, in a diary or a journal. This will help them to identify and “own” their feelings and negative thinking, which is the first step in dealing with them. In the journal or diary they also need to record in detail, their thoughts on exactly why they are fearful, angry or resentful, as well as their day to day efforts in working through the pain. In other words, the steps they are following in their process of adjustment and recovery.

I have found that even addressing a letter to a person(s) who caused, or had a part in the trauma, can help one to let go of unpleasant emotions and thoughts. It is not important whether the letter is posted or not, as the idea is for traumatised persons to expose, verbalise and record their true feelings and thoughts on the issue.
The best way to deal with unpleasant feelings and negative thinking in the long term, is through personal growth and self-empowerment, by which one’s self-image, self esteem and feelings of competency are boosted. This can be done firstly by challenging each negative thought with the opposite “positive truth, that is, that he or she is not a failure and not unloved at all. It will help them to recall and reflect on other times in their lives where they were happy and successful, such as in their studies or work, or to focus on memories which reveal that they are secure and loved by family and friends. By continuously affirming that they are coping and competent, they can positively influence their mood and behaviour.

Second, once they have identified their fears, trauma victims should focus on addressing them specifically. For instance, if they have lost hope as a result of the traumatic experience, they can try to regain a positive view of the future by finding some meaning in what happened and focussing on their true potential. Religious persons may re-discover hope by recognising some form of divine intervention in their lives, such as the fact that they actually survived the incident or event. Others may find meaning by recognising a purpose in their lives, even if it is merely being a good mother and caring for children.
Often, traumatic experiences can result in persons withdrawing socially or being too afraid to go out. In such cases, they should plan a series of small steps designed to expose themselves very gradually to low levels of social interaction and slowly increase their involvement until their fear is reduced. For example, they could begin by contacting people by telephone or e-mail until they feel confident to go out and mix socially again. Traumatised persons need the support of other people and withdrawing is not a good idea.

There are a number of other simple things that can be done that will also help to release emotional stress, the first of which is exercise. A regular exercise programme can shake loose the negative feelings and the “feel good” chemicals so released, can help to overcome anxiety or depression.
Another exercise which can help to overcome anxiety is conscious relaxation, in which persons can learn to systematically relax their bodies. For this, we need to sit quietly, close our eyes and imagine a breath of cool wind passing down our body from the top of our head, down our neck and shoulders, down our arms to our fingertips, past our hips and down our legs to our toes. This exercise can be performed in a quiet area with or without soft and soothing music, which is also very good for reducing stress.
Visualisation can also be used as a tool for relaxation and to reduce emotional tension or anxiety. This is where a scenario is created in the imagination in which a person pictures himself or herself walking in a beautiful and peaceful garden. During this imaginary walkabout, one should consciously notice the rivers, mountains, trees, flowers etc. This can be done for about ten minutes and should also bring about a relaxed state.
Learning new skills is a useful way of self-empowerment. There are many good personal growth courses available which will help with adjustment or to build self confidence.
I will not deal with depression in detail in this article, but it will be sufficient to say that this is a miserable state of mind, filled with negative thoughts and feelings which almost paralyses its victim with self-pity and makes it almost impossible to enjoy life at all. In this state, it is important to keep busy and not give up. It has been found that people who get involved in community service organisations to help persons less fortunate than themselves, can take the focus away from their own issues and this may assist in recovery. It has also been found that people benefit from contact with animals. Pets provide unconditional love and this could also be considered as a therapy in the right circumstances. In the case of depression, I would certainly recommend counselling by a professional.
Conclusion
Recovering from trauma is a long process which takes time, the ideal being to move through the fear and pain, to control negative thinking and to take whatever action steps are necessary to restore a sense of security, meaning and enjoyment in life. This may include improving personal security, making lifestyle changes, or just learning to adjust to the changed circumstances. There are counselling organisations as well as professionals which can assist distressed persons with support and guidance.