Enriching your marriage or long-term relationship
By Jimmy Henderson
After being together for many years, it is so easy to get into the habit of taking each other for granted. We tend to forget the many good times shared and often lack a deeper understanding of the real purpose of relationships, which are actually nurturing grounds for positive, mutual growth, one in which respect, encouragement and support play key roles.
For instance, the greatest gift partners can give each other when entering a long-term relationship, especially marriage, is freedom. This sounds like a contradiction, so let me explain what I mean by this ‘freedom’. Here I am referring to the freedom to express one’s feelings, the opportunity to be oneself and the ability to make decisions, or at least to be part of decisions, in which one’s own future is concerned. In this way we recognise and respect our partner as an individual who has rights and an own opinion.
The second area in which couples should begin cooperating during a long-term relationship is in creating the space for each other to blossom and grow. This means supporting and encouraging our partners to achieve their goals and dreams, whether it is in education, career or personal growth. Sometimes it can be as simple as being prepared to listen to problems and daily issues with empathy and concern. Over time, this type of support leads to a strong relationship built on security and trust.
Third, this mutual love and respect should be seen in everyday actions, when addressing one another, especially in front of children, and showing a genuine care and concern for each others feelings and needs. Even small things, remembering important dates such as anniversaries and birthdays, all send a message that ‘I love, honour and respect you enough to remember how important you are to me’. A simple way of making our partners feel important and loved, is by making a conscious attempt to praise them, especially in company. If you look carefully, you will almost certainly always find something positive, flattering or uplifting to say.
Finally, a little romance goes a long way. Small gestures such as cleaning up, running his or her bath and buying flowers or presents, all tell our partner that he/she is important to us. Romance goes well with light-heartedness. Sometimes being too serious or just plain miserable can create unnecessary tensions. A good sense of humour, witty remarks, (not critical or personal), teasing, the use of sexual innuendo, (suggestiveness) and plenty of smiling, will all lighten a relationship and make it easier to get along for many years to come.

Jimmy Henderson a trained counsellor and regular radio talk show guest. He is the author of a self-help book entitled ‘Multi-Dimensional Thinking’ which is available at most bookshops.