Teenage problems and the early warning signs of suicide

By Jimmy Henderson

Teenage depression has become a major cause for concern for parents over the last number of years. Almost every day we encounter horrific stories in the media of violence and suicide involving young people, tearing families as well as the whole fabric of our society apart.
Prof. Laurens Schlebush from the University of KZ Natal has indicated the main cause of suicide amongst young people to be ‘teenage depression’, in which the teenager feels totally isolated and alone and sees suicide as the only way out of a cycle of unbearable emotional and psychological pain. He lists poor school performance, social problems, childhood abuse and dysfunctional families as the main precipitators of teenage depression.
Recent research has moved away from the belief that the problem arises with the teenager alone and suggests a more holistic approach. A number of factors have been found to influence and maintain the cycle of distress which can eventually lead to suicide. These include inherited personality traits, family circumstances, social-cultural and environmental factors.
It is unfortunately true that children can inherit certain characteristics from their parents such as IQ and hyperactivity which may lead to problems with schoolwork (ADHD or learning disabilities), as well as factors relating to their appearance, such as obesity, which can affect their social lives. It has even been suggested that depression itself can be passed on to children. This is where parenting skills are so important, as any ‘vulnerabilities’ in these areas can either be moderated by means of effective parenting or worsened by a home situation involving unreasonable expectations, conflict, abuse, neglect or financial problems.
The effectiveness of the family is, in turn, influenced by environmental factors such as the economy, social and cultural pressures and the availability of community resources such as school counselling or professional help services. The role of the media and advertising in fuelling teenage insecurities also cannot be excluded.
Symptoms and early warning signs include the following, which fall into the category of teenage risk behaviour.
• Withdrawing socially
• A drop in school performance, suggesting a loss of focus and concentration
• Increased moodiness, anger and irritability
• Substance abuse (drugs/alcohol)
• A very low self-esteem and strong negative feelings (sadness, unworthiness hopelessness)
• Negative thinking and talking about suicide to friends and family

I know that some of you are going to say that many of these actions are typical of teenagers going through adolescence, but here we are talking about a severe swing in thoughts, emotions and behaviour which is not characteristic of your child.
At this stage, however, I want to focus on positive interventions that would assist you to deal with these symptoms before they progress into full-blown teenage depression.
Keep yourself informed
Become involved in your family and cultivate an awareness which will enable you to recognise early warning signs. Parenting is a very demanding task and with teens at risk, it is even more difficult. A little knowledge of your son or daughter’s personality, problems and needs will go a long way in correctly managing his or her behaviour. Understand that your child’s self-image and self esteem play an enormous part in his or her expectations and behaviour. A teenager’s self-image is very vulnerable and teens will also go to great lengths to try to maintain a positive self-image to others. If, however, their self-image breaks down as the result of feeling humiliated or inadequate, it will drastically affect their behaviour and relationships with others, including their parents, as it is related to their sense of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Being frustrated in their needs for independence and acknowledgement can easily make them aggressive and rebellious, especially if this is coupled to earlier emotional pain and frustration experienced as a young child. Stay abreast of any specific emotional, social or learning issues that may be troubling them and develop the necessary parenting skills to deal with the situation. Your child deserves to be taken seriously and try to attend to issues at an early stage before they become unmanageable. You can keep yourself well-informed in managing teenage risk behaviour by attending talks and workshops, making use of your local library, the internet or even a parent’s support group.
Re-opening communication and improving relationships
The first and most important requirement for a good relationship with your teen is to gain their trust and build mutual respect. If this can be established early on in their lives as small children, you will find that they generally communicate better and are more open and honest about their issues and feelings, which makes it possible for you to play a more meaningful role in their lives, especially when they are displaying risk behaviour. If this relationship is not acquired early, for instance, in the case of step-parents, it can be a slow process in which the respect and trust of the teen will need to be earned by means of a good example, genuine concern and integrity. Teens are very observant and quick to point out any discrepancy in the behaviour of adults, and only those who are genuine in their concern and involvement and who behave consistently and with integrity, will pass the "teen respect test".
Provide support
Even if your child is behaving badly, it is important to remain ‘connected’ and involved and not simply write him or her off. Develop the necessary skills to ‘listen’ effectively and avoid undue criticism. Sometimes the secret to gaining their trust and co-operation is merely timing, knowing when to approach and how to deal with the issue. Teens do not normally respond well to the use of force or threats, as this threatens the self-image they are attempting to build up of themselves as independent and coping individuals. If they are confronted in an aggressive manner about their behaviour, they may either lash out or withdraw completely. With teens the emphasis should shift more towards dealing with the issues underlying the problems they are experiencing.
Teens respond well to support and positive reinforcement (praise). This means being prepared to boost them emotionally and psychologically wherever possible. A more positive involvement in their lives will makes it possible for you to give guidance and direction without being too threatening or invasive. Also involve persons or relatives whom the teenager trusts and respects.
Unconditional love
Improving your communication with your child may also require you to change some of your present attitudes and to become more involved, empathetic and accepting. Many parents I have spoken to tell me that they love their children but do not like them very much. And in the case of teenagers at risk, their attitude can certainly be unacceptable, but loving unconditionally means being prepared to spend time and patience with your son or daughter and offering support even if you are not very happy with their behaviour. We need to learn to separate our love for our child from our feelings on his or her attitude or behaviour. As I said earlier, it is often unreasonable expectations from parents, especially with regard to school performance, which can drive teenagers to depression and even suicide. Teens can be very sensitive and will quickly sense if they are being judged and rejected because they are not performing or "not good enough", but will respond reasonably well to advice that is given honestly and without judgment and lecturing.
Involve community organisations and professionals
Risk behaviour which is identified either at school or at home, should be addressed immediately and preferably with the help of a qualified person. Reports from teachers at school should be taken seriously. If there are very real problems with school performance, drugs or alcohol, they should be addressed with the help of the relevant school, institution or a trained professional. It has been found that friendships and involvement with church or youth groups can be beneficial, as well as workshops or courses for the teenager to improve his or her coping skills.
Hopefully one can address the symptoms early before they progress to suicide attempts. However, if this does occur, consult with trained professionals, community help services, support groups and even rehabilitation centres. In serious cases you may even have to have your child hospitalised to prevent further suicide attempts or else implement a suicide watch’ involving 24 hour family supervision and the removal of suicide opportunities (weapons, guns, pills etc). Do not give up on your child as they do need your love and support.

Jimmy Henderson is a trained trauma and Lifeline and trauma counsellor. He is a regular radio talk show guest (Lotus FM), dealing with teenage problems and parenting skills and is the author of a number of articles and books on self-improvement. His latest book ‘Multi-Dimensional Thinking” is available at a number of bookshops.